The evening light dims to the stars
We stand together, motionless, staring
out into the fading horizon afar
weaving dreams with our imagination.
Not a single word exchanged
Yet, our minds – they do converse
in languages unknown to scripts
but known only to the hearts in us.
The birds fly home, to their home
Their chitter-chatter filling the scene
We are still standing, resting – still
Only us – just you and me…
its hard to come to terms with… i may not see him for the next one and a half years… i don’t know where he’ll be… where i’ll be… where he’ll be… where we’ll be… its tough – this love, it is tough… we refer to our situation as a test from God… in which we must excel… we must not falter… we must not give up on each other, on our love…
but dear God, why do you not see the tears in my eyes? the sleepless nights i’ve spent crying in regret… regret for the single decision that could have affected my life… why didn’t i trust him enough then? why didn’t i believe in our love then?
i think i must be punished… punished for not valuing him enough… i don’t know God… i don’t know if you consider my love worthy to make him mine one day…
till now, all the valentines’ days that i’ve had have been ones waiting endlessly for a phone call or a wink from the person i used to ‘like’ at that time… it was so kiddish ( i now think )… i used to hope and hope, believing in that quintessential statement – someone out there loves you and you don’t even know it – or – don’t stop smiling; for all you know, someone is falling in love with your smile – and things like that… but last april, i knew it was all true… that there really exists someone for me… that there is someone i would leave everything and run to if the situation came… he is the one… and i know it… ::blush::
yes i’m in love… have been in love for 8 months now… and i don’t think that there’s any doubt in our love… i’m just so glad i’ve found him… sometimes, i’m even amazed at the minuscule probability that we met… its just too miraculous… we’re so thankful to the One up there who’s orchestrating all this…
if you’re reading this, and you’re in love, wish you a wonderful day on the 14th of feb… if you’re not in love, wait… just keep waiting without losing patience… your love will come to you…
for now, its only words… and words are all i have to take your heart away…
Life brings you to your knees,
You cry and reach out to me,
I run to you and lift you up,
And then you walk ahead without,
As much as a glance at me.
At length you realize your mistake,
You apologize and call out to me,
You think you can reverse it all,
But you don’t realize you’re so far,
Your voice can barely reach me.
Across the moor, I see you weep,
Your tears hurt the soul within me,
But you can’t see I’m crying too,
You’re blind to the fact that I,
Need you as much as you need me.
Love is not a one-way street,
You’ve to give what you take from me,
It’s not tough once you start trying,
When I lift you up from your knees,
Don’t walk away; be with me.
“Does anybody in this class have a vision?“
The lecturer asked this question in class the other day. I was the only one to raise his hand. She gestured for me to speak. “Environmentalist“, I said.
The whole class burst out in laughter. I was taken aback by the response; being a leading environmentalist in my middle life had been a dream for some time now, and I had started devising a preliminary gameplan for realizing this dream. However, the fact that I was trying to be different was funny for my classmates, all of whom perhaps felt that wishing for anything more than being a petroleum engineer was the handiwork of an insane mind.
According to our society, one has to always follow a certain convention. Whenever someone tries to be different, he is mocked, ridiculed and written off. Each person should have the same ultimate goal: to become a part of the crowd. Just another face which lives and dies without leaving as much as a footprint in the great walk of life. You study, get a job, earn money, eat, drink, and be merry. Dreaming of anything more than that is unacceptable.
In the case of my class, trying to be different is not only unacceptable; it is taboo. Others will ridicule you behind your back, and somehow try to discourage you with an intention of robbing you of your ambition. You are supposed to get a job (if you get a fat pay package, they’ll be jealous enough to contemplate slitting your throat), marry a good-looking female (which is decided by the parents: the girl who brings home the highest dowry gets to be the bride; her use is restricted, anyway, for physical gratification, as a mere sex toy who can double up as personal servant), have children (for whom you’ll never have time because you’ll be busy earning money in the day and partying and getting drunk at night), and then retire with a large amount of cash in the bank (so you can date plenty of young women; the wife won’t be sexually attractive then: a mere liability which you’d be happy to get rid of).
In fact, they know that they will eventually fade out into the crowd. And since they do, they want others to share the same fate. Their egos will be hurt if one of their classmates achieves something they could never have dreamed off. The ones who laughed at me in class didn’t do so because they found my vision funny. They did so because they didn’t have any vision of their own, and felt insecure when I shared mine. They also try to discourage me from speaking in class, as they fear I might get into the good books of the teacher (my classmates can’t speak proper English for nuts, let alone counter my polished oratorical skills).
Inbetween, I had succumbed to this mentality. Even I felt it was best to walk the way others go. Even I had become a follower, another member of the herd. But fate had something else in store for me.
I fell in love with a person who filled my life with joy; she made me complete. But she also did something else. Something for which I shall forever remain indebted to her. She taught me to want something more from life. Initially, I had ego clashes with her when I found her commitment to her career unacceptable. Somehow I had developed a mentality akin to my classmates; I couldn’t stand her wanting to do something that would make a difference. I felt that, despite so many similarities, we were different people after all. I even doubted our future together; perhaps, I thought, we aren’t meant to be after all. I was blinded by convention, so much that I couldn’t see what destiny had placed in front of my very eyes.
Till today. I finally saw what I should’ve seen months ago, but simply couldn’t. It dawned upon me that destiny has made me collide with a person who is my own reflection. The reflection of the real I. The dreamer that I was a few years ago. The one who had dared to be different when his most others had joined just about any college, dropping a year to study for the foremost post-school competitive examination of the country. The one who, inspite of being criticized, despite of being written off, and against all odds, had succeeded. I realized that she is the same person I was back then. Now when I look at her, I have abounding respect for her. Not only has she shown me my true self, she has restored me back to it.
I now have a dream. A vision. That one day, I would make a difference to mankind. That I will not be a face in the crowd, rather I will leave behind a trail for others to follow in the great walk of life. I’m the dreamer again now. The dreamer who dares to be different, who dares to be a trailblazer, who dares to walk where others fear to set foot. This is me now. The doubts have all been washed away. The alien persona that had possessed me like an evil spirit has now been exorcised. She has changed me.
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